SPOILER ALERT: If you haven’t seen Monday’s premiere of the Bachelorette, LOOK AWAY. Otherwise I am going to completely blow it for you and that’s no fun for anyone.
Well guys, it’s finally here!! Season 38274189 of the Bachelorette is underway and somehow my Bachelor/Bachelorette obsession continues to grow with each episode of these spray tanned love junkies and their flowing mascara tears and never-ending champagne toasts.
If you are familiar with the blog, you know that Bachelor/Bachelorette nights are kind of a big deal around here. I tricked Andy into loving it, so now on Monday nights we usually cook a delicious meal, crack a bottle of Cabernet and clearly it’s my favorite night of the week.
Last night was a little abnormal for me, because of post-Brewer game travel (not complaining), and I wasn’t able to catch the Bachelorette on time. Normally, this would be completely fine, because of man’s greatest invention, the DVR. However, yesterday, right as we were cracking open our second Ciderboys and putting the brats on the grill, tragedy set in.
I FORGOT TO SET THE DVR TO RECORD THE BACHELORETTE.
Life was over. Andy was already at work. Lily was caged, so there was no way I could somehow telepathically communicate the importance of this recording to her and have her save the day. I had a mini mental meltdown.
That was soon cured by a few more Ciderboys and the realization that this little thing called ABC.com still exists. It was hard, but I survived.
We had a great time at the Brewer game, despite the pouring rain and cold weather (get it together, Wisconsin! My hair can’t handle this crap.) It’s always fun when I’m with the girls!
As soon as I got home from Milwaukee, I went to bed. Apparently I’m a grandma and traveling for 8 hours in a day is too much for me these days.
When I got up this morning, I hooked up my laptop to our TV to watch the premiere of the Bachelor online.
So let’s talk about a few things…
1.) I like Dez but in one way, she’s already driving me crazy.
She wasn’t my favorite person on Sean’s season, but she also isn’t Ashley Hebert, so I don’t feel the need to wear earplugs every time she opens her mouth. That being said, if I have to hear another fairytale, princess, or Cinderella comment, I am going to go coastal. So painful.
2.) BEN WHY ARE YOU GOING TO RUIN MY LIFE?!
Ben is adorable. His son is adorable.
Everything he said was picture perfect (probably the first problem) and now he’s supposed to stop being the greatest thing Dez has ever seen and start being this season’s villain?
Say it ain’t so.
3.) Zak, please go home and take your abs with you.
I’ve never been one to complain about a nice set of abs.. but this guy has me cringing with awkwardness every time he opens his mouth. I’m not sure how Dez was blinded by this (it might have had something to do with the neon orange skin he was sporting) but apparently Zak is here to stay for another week. Girl, no.
4.) Knight In Not So Shining Armor
I was really hoping this was going to be like the mask guy from Ashley’s season and he would leave this stupid suit on forever and we would all be less than enthused by him but still kind of curious about what he looked like. Then he took his iron face off before he even reached Dez and proved to be boring and predictable.
4.) Bryden or Lloyd?
Bryden is adorable. The war vet story is heart melting and he seems like a geuine, down to earth guy. But there’s one thing I can’t get past – that Jim Carrey circa Dumba and Dumber hair cut.
Thankfully hair grows. And I like Bryden.
5.) That guy who only spoke in hashtags
Number one, you don’t admit to cyber stalking Dez. You just don’t. And number two, #thisisreallyreallyannoyingsopleasestoptalkinginhashtags.
6.) The potential sex offender
Jonathan. Oh, where do we start with Jonathan. I thought you were going to be kind of cute and do a play on the fantasy suite card but say something along the lines of “will you please accept this key to my heart” or something corny and very Bachelor-esque. Boy was I wrong.
Instead, you tried to
invite her drag her by her hair and lock her away forever in the fantasy suite, not once, but THREE TIMES.
Thank goodness Dez was creeped out enough to send you home on the spot.
Also, we really don’t care if “your mom thinks you’re attractive” and there’s a definite reason that “your love tank hasn’t been depleted in years”. Yikes.
As for the guys I am liking so far, Ben (even if he is a villain), Brandon, Bryden and Drew are the front runners in my opinion.
Tell Me: Who is your favorite bachelor so far?? What was your favorite part of last night’s episode?